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 Palturis Netherdream

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Dread

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Skill : 2812
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Join date : 2010-03-14

PostSubject: Palturis Netherdream   Sun Mar 14, 2010 8:41 am

Username: Dread
Name: Palturis Netherdream
Nickname: -
Age: 756
Gender: Male
Race: Dá'Razou - Eternal
Personality: Various from mood to mood, but will always keep up hes good ethics and justice. Will act humble, if the person that stands before him is worthy hes admire.
Appearance: Avatar
Abilities: Arcane powers flows throught hes ores, making him in direct contact with the magic he uses, and other magic flows around him. Highly skilled user of magic, able to read and manipulate minds.
Weakness: A hunger for raw magic absorbed from other living creatures, artifacts and other things holding magical powers. Also hes, almost junkie-like, need of the essence of life from other living things.
Other: -

Kindness: 1
Sociability: 3
Neatness: 2
Intelligence: 4
Courage: 2
Virtue: 1
Strength: 4
Agility: 1
Strategy: 3
Magical capability: 7
Defense: 1
Accuracy: 1

Bio: As the rain fell down from the skies, a silhouette could be spotted raising from the ground. A flow of light was being carried to this shadow, from the plants as they were slowly turning wither. Two small green eyes ligthed up in the darkness, they were filled with born hate and the will to destroy for its wishes. He was finally escaping hes godless prison. He fell the power return to hes power. Finally.. after 500 years of captivity, and finally feeling the relief of freedom as wind against hes face. He moved hes right hand up infront of hes breast, as the strenght returned to it. He watched the bug, as it carefully landed on hes hand. He smiled mysterious at the bug as its energy was drained out of it, turning into ashes. He was born, yet again.
The betrayers back then, Valcuris, hes own brother. Valcuris could'nt control hes greed. The revolution was meant to be for Palturis, not hes wirthless brother, betraying him as he was retrieving the crown from the dead ruler, Razhourk. Making alliances with humans, letting those mortals locking me up deep under the surface, in this barrier of light.... he deserves only death.. The revolution had been hard enough, against this tyrant of the Dá'Razou. This people had even lived without contact with the surface scums for trillions of years, those mortals. The Dá'Razourian race had everything in their underground kingdom, Meférass, well... besides a fair ruler.
-"I'll come for you, brother, and I will what was rightfully mine.."-
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silverwit
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Posts : 69
Skill : 3867
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Join date : 2010-03-01
Age : 25
Location : The Midnight Dreary

Character sheet
Name: Silverwit
Age: 17
Race: Hybrid

PostSubject: Re: Palturis Netherdream   Tue Mar 16, 2010 6:17 am

Alright darling, there are quite a few mistakes in your profile. For one, I ask that you actually read through some of the things here and what I wrote in parenthesis with the templates. I asked for a paragraph with the personality. I am normally lax with profiles since I, myself, struggle in writing them but I do wish for people to follow the simple rules that I set. As for appearence it would be much simpler if you just linked a picture or even described him. The avatar is far too small and with my weak eyes I cannot make out the details of his form. It's upsetting.

Now the biggest sucker of all is that you used a race I have neither listed nor heard of. I have a suggestion thread for races but I don't appreciate someone not bothering to inform me of the race first. How can I understand your character if I don't even know what they are?

I am sorry to say but for now your character is not accepted. If you go back and fix what I have pointed out then I am sure that will change.

_________________

John 3:16-Gefallen[Story]-Ratiocination
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